Aretians 19 – 37 ‘Phones


Having avenged an early season defeat the previous week against Bishopston 2nds, we travelled to Aretians last Saturday, seeking to do the same thing.

The previous defeat had come against a mature and experienced side, who denied us any decent possession with which our younger XV might have been able to hurt them. What’s more, we had to play a number of players out of position, and had played with a lack of self belief.

Due to the recent rain, the match had been moved from the main pitch at Gypsy Patch Lane, but ‘Phones pre-match body language still suggested that we didn’t fancy the battle ahead.

It was a case of Deja Vu in the first 15 minutes, as we were pinned inside our own 22, unable to get any possession with which to relieve the pressure. However, a terrific defensive effort kept the home side to just a single converted try. Although it still looked like being a long afternoon for the ‘Phones.

However, the appearance of the “Saviour” on the touchline seemed to galvanise the team. Somehow, we started to get some go forward ball, and Ross “High Rise” House was blasting big holes in the Aretians defence from his position at centre. By the time the Saviour had returned kitted out, “Hissy Fit” Hobbs had crossed the whitewash twice (there will be consequences for the swallow dive), while Aretians had replied with a try of their own, and we trailed just 10-12.

With the interval upon us, skipper Luke “Jacko” Inman scrambled over in the corner to give us the most unexpected of halftime leads.

The second period was all ‘Phones, with “High Rise” continuing to punch holes up the middle, and keeping Aretians on the back foot, while Josh “Taxi Ride” Rogers produced more fine lineout possession.

Further tries came from Lewis “Little Dick” Dicker with a brace, “High Rise” on a bullocking run that epitomised his game all afternoon, and the Saviour who was put over by the pass of the day from Dan “Punching Above His Weight” Smith.

With the game getting a little fractious, the side had its discipline tested, and it is maybe something that we can work on. Perhaps we can learn something from the Saviour, whose answer was to smash anything that moved, including one sequence where he made four consecutive tackles (not sure where everyone else was), burying the opposition each time!

The small but loyal travelling army enjoyed the sunshine and a terrific come from behind performance by the boys, and hopefully a good training session on Tuesday night, can lead to another fine effort and result on Saturday against our visitors from Broad Plain.

There were a number of candidates for Man of the Match:

“Saddam” who looks much more comfortable at No.8 (finally we can get rid of Beechy), and his better half got the 1/2 time teas in.

“Sausage” who kept his promise to keep the penalties down to single figures.

“High Rise” for his aggressive ball carrying.

But of course it has to go to the “Saviour”.

A Try and a massive tackle count, and well…just for being the “Saviour”.

Conversation of the Week:

The Chair to the Old man…”Course Franky should have been captaining the 2nds today”

Nathan to Old Man Rees…”go and ask Franky why he cancelled the 2nds”

Old Man to Franky…”Why did you cancel the 2nds Franky?”

Franky’s reply…Pretty much unprintable, but he once more spouted on for 10 minutes about how he had only ever played 2 games in the 2nds blah blah blah.

Nathan to the Chair…”If we get Francombe to captain the 2nds, cause that’s all he’s good for now, what we gonna do with Beechy?”

Chair to Nath without hesitation…”He can captain the 3rds!”

Quote of the Week:

Discussing costumes for the trip to the Army v Navy fixture, someone suggested going dresses as characters from Toy Story (thinking of the green soldiers).

Franky to Les “Santa” Sanigar…”You could go as Stinky Pete”.



Don’t be a headcase


The RFU are raising awareness of head injuries in the game with their Headcase campaign. Click on the banner on the right for more details. This is information that could save a player from serious injury. Take some time out to familiarise your self with symptoms and recommendations of concussion and other head trauma.





The 2015 Telephones Tour has now been confirmed. Dates are 24th-28th April 2014. Location Lanzorote. See Nathan for details If you have never been you really should its a blast.

Get behind the Phones


Everyone, we have an away fixture at Aretians this weekend, KO at 2.30pm. Why not get your self a kitchen pass and get up/down to Patchway. I am sure the Chair and his new best friend would be thrilled to see you!  I know the boys would appreciate the support.


#UTP Garfield

BTARFC 17 – 6 Bishopston – Great Game


The Old man reports a great game against Bish this weekend, here is the Chairs report….

Having already played Bish 2nds once this season, in what was an enjoyable and close encounter, hopes were high for another enjoyable afternoon at Stockwood Lane.

By kick off time, the mist had lifted, and on a relatively balmy November afternoon, the ‘Phones faithful were not to be disappointed, unlike those unfortunate souls who had once more made the pilgrimage to Twickers.

Bish 2nds these days field a very youthful 2nds, mainly based around UWE students, but a sign of the times, is that apart from Franky (who was dropped to the 2nds, which was then cancelled) and Beechy who still turns up every week even though not selected, we are ourselves fielding a young (if perhaps not quite fit enough) side ourselves.

We struggled to get our hands on the ball during the early stages of the game, and Bish threatened to run us off our feet with their good off loading game. However, the scrummage went as well in the tight contest as it has in a long time. Consistently shoving the Bish pack back off their own ball, and draining them of energy to get around the field so effectively.

The opening score came from one of many penalties given away by Sausage (I think he forgot that he doesn’t play for Bish any more), but trailing 0-3 the team upped its game, and from a catch and drive close to the line, Beechy surged over from all of 6 inches to put us ahead. Lewis Noonan, fresh from bringing in the sheaths, slotted the extras, and ‘Phones had grabbed a lead they were never to surrender.

Although Bish reduced the arrears to 6-7 with another penalty after the break they rarely threatened our line, and with Callum “Chipolata Dick” Dicker and Ross “High Rise” House making a number of physically intimidating and powerful surges through the middle, it was only a matter of time, before we scored again.

After a number of mauls close to the Bish line, Tom “The Swede” Gustafson took time out from looking for some physical confrontation, to burrow underneath a pile of bodies and secure the second try of the game.

Josh “Taxi” Rogers was ruling the Stockwood airways at the lineout, in a way not seen since the halcyon days of his father Nathan “The Don” Rogers, unfortunately we were unable to capitalise on all the possession and make the game completely safe.

That is until…Kalum “Rhino” Stiddard finally posted his first try in Telephones colours (senior or junior) using great strength to drive over in the corner. Lewis “Little Dick” Dicker’s conversion was much better than his first pathetic effort, but fell just short.

It wasn’t the perfect performance by any stretch of the imagination, but it was a fine and deserved 17-6 win. I would like to see this team perform if they all trained regularly together, and were all available on a more regular basis.

Adam “Saddam” Breakey lifted the curse, of never having appeared on a ‘Phones winning team, thanks to the appearance of R Scott on the wing and for that alone he came close to the man of the match.

However, despite an appalling after match performance with his non-alcoholic pint of shit, this week the award goes to “Rhino” Stiddard. After just a handful of games he is proving to be a solid performer at tighthead….unfortunately, his drinking is about as impressive as the last great No.3 who appeared for the club….Ian “Cuddles” Huntley.

Conversation of the Week:

Karen Hobbs to husband Hobbsy and the Chair…”you two need to have a word with him” (meaning Young Hobbs after his hissy fit earlier on).

Chair…”shit parenting skills that’s the trouble”

Hobbs senior…”Talk to him? I’ll feckin knock him out when we get home”

Chair…”Now you are getting the idea of being a parent Hobbsy!”

The Chair

Excellent post match celebrating too, I have never seem some much regurgitation and poll dancing in one night!


BBC to revive Last of the Summer Wine


In a bold attempt to rejuvenate the faltering Sunday teatime ratings the BBC have announced they are to revive Last of the Summer Wine. The new series has already gone into production as we can see from this photo taken in a secret location somewhere in Stockwood Bristol

U13 Girls Local Rugby Derby


Telephones 10 Kingswood 13

This Sunday was a  big day for Girls rugby at the Phones a local derby versus Kingswood. Our local rivals made the short trip to Stockwood for our first home tie. It was always going to be a tough one, we have met on previous occasions, at festivals, last time out being a draw. As before we were joined by our friends  from Yeovil Jodie, Lauren and sisters Becky and Charlie and for the first time by Natasha and Raigan who came over from Cleve for their first competitive game.  Mae, Teegan, Megan, Charlotte and Ceri stepped up for the Phones; Jaz, out through injury, had to settle for a supporting role this week but I am sure she will be back fighting fit for the next one.

From what I understand a great time was had by everyone,  a very successful day over all. Well done everyone who took part and thanks to Jane for doing the food, Sean for refereeing , Bob and Lianne for coaching, Shaun for the bar and everyone else who helped out or supported.


All about the mud !


Some times rugby is all about the mud !!!!

To demonstrate,  here’s Teegan Williams with half the training ground attached.

The girls are at it again this weekend, Sun 16th Nov 2014. Our first home match of the season will be against Kingswood RFC

If you have the time I recommend you come along and take a look. KO from 1:30pm

#utpg !

Back to the Future !


Telephones 0-54 St Bernadettes 3rds

Returning for a guest appearance this week veteran Scrum half Mark Nichols and the usual ‘dedicated’ suspects made the short trip to Whitchurch  to play St Bernadettes 3rds in a Reserve League fixture, only to find ourselves playing a team that had been sunstantially reinforced, against the spirit of the reserve leagues, with first and second team players.

Not to dwell on the rights and wrongs of what happened, we were always going to be under pressure, especially as we were, not for the first time this season, forced to field a makeshift XV, with a number of players starting out of position.

It is great credit once more, to those players that were available, that we stayed as competitive as we could, for as long as could, especially later in the game, when even more disruption was caused to the lineup by injuries.

Lets look forward to Saturday’s rematch with Bish 2nds and hope to reverse our narrow defeat a few weeks ago.

Man of the Match:
Mark “Pickles” Nicholls – turning out in an emergency and putting his aged body through a tough 40 minutes.

Quote of the Week:
Beechy at the Firework Display – “I always work during the day setting up…it’s just on the night time when I don’t do anything!”….REALLY???

Girls Rugby – Satellite Club


We are currently investigating the possibility of starting a satellite club for Girls rugby. This means that we, in collaboration with Westport and local schools, run an after school Rugby club for Girls. Girls in years 7 and 8 will be offered a 1 hour coaching session once a week for 15 weeks over a  3 years period . One school will host the club with girls from surrounding schools being invited. The sessions will be run by a coach who has ties to us and work with us to encourage Girls to take up club rugby. Funding for this venture will come from Sport England via Wesport and from a nominal fee for each session. This is a great opportunity to introduce the game to girls and provide local teams with new recruits. Updates to follow.  I hope you will all support this initiative as it could add a new dimension to the club and raises our profile, which can only be good for all. Garfield