The 2015 Telephones Tour has now been confirmed. Dates are 24th-28th April 2014. Location Lanzorote. See Nathan for details If you have never been you really should its a blast.

Get behind the Phones


Everyone, we have an away fixture at Aretians this weekend, KO at 2.30pm. Why not get your self a kitchen pass and get up/down to Patchway. I am sure the Chair and his new best friend would be thrilled to see you!  I know the boys would appreciate the support.


#UTP Garfield

Next Fixture – Away vs Aretians 2nds

Sat 22/11/2014 2:30pm KO




BTARFC 17 – 6 Bishopston – Great Game


The Old man reports a great game against Bish this weekend, here is the Chairs report….

Having already played Bish 2nds once this season, in what was an enjoyable and close encounter, hopes were high for another enjoyable afternoon at Stockwood Lane.

By kick off time, the mist had lifted, and on a relatively balmy November afternoon, the ‘Phones faithful were not to be disappointed, unlike those unfortunate souls who had once more made the pilgrimage to Twickers.

Bish 2nds these days field a very youthful 2nds, mainly based around UWE students, but a sign of the times, is that apart from Franky (who was dropped to the 2nds, which was then cancelled) and Beechy who still turns up every week even though not selected, we are ourselves fielding a young (if perhaps not quite fit enough) side ourselves.

We struggled to get our hands on the ball during the early stages of the game, and Bish threatened to run us off our feet with their good off loading game. However, the scrummage went as well in the tight contest as it has in a long time. Consistently shoving the Bish pack back off their own ball, and draining them of energy to get around the field so effectively.

The opening score came from one of many penalties given away by Sausage (I think he forgot that he doesn’t play for Bish any more), but trailing 0-3 the team upped its game, and from a catch and drive close to the line, Beechy surged over from all of 6 inches to put us ahead. Lewis Noonan, fresh from bringing in the sheaths, slotted the extras, and ‘Phones had grabbed a lead they were never to surrender.

Although Bish reduced the arrears to 6-7 with another penalty after the break they rarely threatened our line, and with Callum “Chipolata Dick” Dicker and Ross “High Rise” House making a number of physically intimidating and powerful surges through the middle, it was only a matter of time, before we scored again.

After a number of mauls close to the Bish line, Tom “The Swede” Gustafson took time out from looking for some physical confrontation, to burrow underneath a pile of bodies and secure the second try of the game.

Josh “Taxi” Rogers was ruling the Stockwood airways at the lineout, in a way not seen since the halcyon days of his father Nathan “The Don” Rogers, unfortunately we were unable to capitalise on all the possession and make the game completely safe.

That is until…Kalum “Rhino” Stiddard finally posted his first try in Telephones colours (senior or junior) using great strength to drive over in the corner. Lewis “Little Dick” Dicker’s conversion was much better than his first pathetic effort, but fell just short.

It wasn’t the perfect performance by any stretch of the imagination, but it was a fine and deserved 17-6 win. I would like to see this team perform if they all trained regularly together, and were all available on a more regular basis.

Adam “Saddam” Breakey lifted the curse, of never having appeared on a ‘Phones winning team, thanks to the appearance of R Scott on the wing and for that alone he came close to the man of the match.

However, despite an appalling after match performance with his non-alcoholic pint of shit, this week the award goes to “Rhino” Stiddard. After just a handful of games he is proving to be a solid performer at tighthead….unfortunately, his drinking is about as impressive as the last great No.3 who appeared for the club….Ian “Cuddles” Huntley.

Conversation of the Week:

Karen Hobbs to husband Hobbsy and the Chair…”you two need to have a word with him” (meaning Young Hobbs after his hissy fit earlier on).

Chair…”shit parenting skills that’s the trouble”

Hobbs senior…”Talk to him? I’ll feckin knock him out when we get home”

Chair…”Now you are getting the idea of being a parent Hobbsy!”

The Chair

Excellent post match celebrating too, I have never seem some much regurgitation and poll dancing in one night!


BBC to revive Last of the Summer Wine


In a bold attempt to rejuvenate the faltering Sunday teatime ratings the BBC have announced they are to revive Last of the Summer Wine. The new series has already gone into production as we can see from this photo taken in a secret location somewhere in Stockwood Bristol

U13 Girls Local Rugby Derby


Telephones 10 Kingswood 13

This Sunday was a  big day for Girls rugby at the Phones a local derby versus Kingswood. Our local rivals made the short trip to Stockwood for our first home tie. It was always going to be a tough one, we have met on previous occasions, at festivals, last time out being a draw. As before we were joined by our friends  from Yeovil Jodie, Lauren and sisters Becky and Charlie and for the first time by Natasha and Raigan who came over from Cleve for their first competitive game.  Mae, Teegan, Megan, Charlotte and Ceri stepped up for the Phones; Jaz, out through injury, had to settle for a supporting role this week but I am sure she will be back fighting fit for the next one.

From what I understand a great time was had by everyone,  a very successful day over all. Well done everyone who took part and thanks to Jane for doing the food, Sean for refereeing , Bob and Lianne for coaching, Shaun for the bar and everyone else who helped out or supported.


All about the mud !


Some times rugby is all about the mud !!!!

To demonstrate,  here’s Teegan Williams with half the training ground attached.

The girls are at it again this weekend, Sun 16th Nov 2014. Our first home match of the season will be against Kingswood RFC

If you have the time I recommend you come along and take a look. KO from 1:30pm

#utpg !

Back to the Future !


Telephones 0-54 St Bernadettes 3rds

Returning for a guest appearance this week veteran Scrum half Mark Nichols and the usual ‘dedicated’ suspects made the short trip to Whitchurch  to play St Bernadettes 3rds in a Reserve League fixture, only to find ourselves playing a team that had been sunstantially reinforced, against the spirit of the reserve leagues, with first and second team players.

Not to dwell on the rights and wrongs of what happened, we were always going to be under pressure, especially as we were, not for the first time this season, forced to field a makeshift XV, with a number of players starting out of position.

It is great credit once more, to those players that were available, that we stayed as competitive as we could, for as long as could, especially later in the game, when even more disruption was caused to the lineup by injuries.

Lets look forward to Saturday’s rematch with Bish 2nds and hope to reverse our narrow defeat a few weeks ago.

Man of the Match:
Mark “Pickles” Nicholls – turning out in an emergency and putting his aged body through a tough 40 minutes.

Quote of the Week:
Beechy at the Firework Display – “I always work during the day setting up…it’s just on the night time when I don’t do anything!”….REALLY???

Girls Rugby – Satellite Club


We are currently investigating the possibility of starting a satellite club for Girls rugby. This means that we, in collaboration with Westport and local schools, run an after school Rugby club for Girls. Girls in years 7 and 8 will be offered a 1 hour coaching session once a week for 15 weeks over a  3 years period . One school will host the club with girls from surrounding schools being invited. The sessions will be run by a coach who has ties to us and work with us to encourage Girls to take up club rugby. Funding for this venture will come from Sport England via Wesport and from a nominal fee for each session. This is a great opportunity to introduce the game to girls and provide local teams with new recruits. Updates to follow.  I hope you will all support this initiative as it could add a new dimension to the club and raises our profile, which can only be good for all. Garfield

Somerset Festival – Castle Cary


Another fantastic afternoons rugby today at the Somerset Festival Castle Cary. The Phones girls teamed up with Yeovil again for a third time in what turned out to be their most successful venture yet. Pitted against Kingswood, A Barbarians side with girls form Chipping Sodbury and two teams from Minehead they played four, Won three and drew one. The girls grew in confidence through the afternoon and by the end were showing some real style. Noticeably the girls defence work has come on leaps and bounds with some great tackling . Can’t wait until  16th November when we host our first home club match against Kingswood RFC.